Casio recall for radioactive “stupid”
calculators
Trials
carried out by Casio in response to an unusually large number of product
complaints for the model revealed that the next
generation eco-friendly calculator persistently miscalculated.
The company also admitted that the unit point blank refused to answer
questions involving more complex mathematical and statistical computations
such as logarithms or gamma distribution
models.
The high-tech calculators are unique due to the method of battery used.
Powered by super cooled demilitarised caesium-88
rods that are inserted into the unit’s power slot, Casio claim
that the calculator’s power will not run out for several thousand millennia.
It has since, however, become evident that the long life of the calculators
has come at the expense of computational accuracy.
According to Bicentennial Nutjob, a pupil of local school The Mathematical
School for the Blind and/or Brilliant, the calculator managed to get
even the most basic calculation wrong. “I
asked my new calculator to work out ten minus six,” she said, “bafflingly,
the answer which glared back at me was seven point two recurring”.
Responding to the recall, a statement issued by Casio sought to play down
the problem. “We have tried to ensure that it [the accuracy of the
calculator] was not impacted by the improvements in lifespan. Obviously
there have been issues. We take [the accuracy of
the calculators] extremely seriously and will endeavour to iron
out any problems”. A statement issued in response to the recall read.
The recall comes amidst industry concerns that a succession of lawsuits
could have a negative impact on profit forecasts
for the company. GCSE results published recently reflect the first fall in
average grades in decades, which some education experts are alleging was
directly due to the faulty calculators misleading students. Leukaemia levels
across the 12-16 age group has also reported to have increased country wide
by 1600% since the machine was released three months ago according to NHS
statistics.
The device has been at the centre of a PR nightmare for Casio after the
recent high-profile controversy after it was suggested in a leaked memo
between company executives that it does indeed
cause leukaemia if used for more than three calculations in a
row. In spite of this, demand has remained strong, driven primarily by
school children attracted by the green glow
and quiet pulsing reverberation that has become the very epitome of cool
within the playground.