Entry 6: Merry Christmas from the island
of Ketsbaia!
I
hope you are all having a wonderful Christmas holiday period. At my
household, I decided, with Christmas being the time for forgiveness and all,
to try and “reconcile” my differences with some of the sort who have plagued
my life over the last few months by having a
Christmas Buffet for them.
Amongst the party of guests were Captain Madd
and his First Mate, Mr Jimmy and Mr Katherine the town traders, and the
previously estranged Beat Notz. Things all seemed to be going well enough as
they talked amongst themselves, though I felt like I was treading on
eggshells in order to prevent myself from infuriating any one of them.
Perhaps the most surprising guest of all was the uninvited Colonel Sprout
who, in an unlikely turn of events,
turned up with a big vat of sprouts and a barely but unmistakably breathing
turkey. It was at this stage when events took a turn for the worst. It
seemed that Sprout had stolen “Kodak” the turkey
from Mr Jimmy’s pet store, and was largely unaware that he was also a guest
of mine that afternoon. You can just picture the scene now!
Sprout’s reacted to Mr Jimmy’s all-too-inevitable volley of verbal abuse by
throwing a hot bowl of gravy at him. The liquid properties of the gravy
meant that most of it
ended
up on the other guests, whereupon in sued a vigorous brawl that was only
began to subside when Back To The Future II
came on the telly.
Earlier in the day the island’s children were dealt a real treat when
Father Christmas took time out from His
busy schedule to chew the fat over a brandy and mince pie. Holed up in His
official residence, the Grotto, it was clear that Santa really has let
himself go. I didn’t actually get to speak to Him, as He is invisible to
grown ups, but His rabid obesity plainly knows no bounds. Still, little
Sally and Mark, the kids from next door, swear they later saw him
soiling himself as he approached their
front lawn last night while they were waiting for Him to
“deliver” down the chimney. All that sherry
and pie must play havoc on the digestive system, I suppose. Last they saw,
so they claim, he was bolting it down the road in the direction of the local
Oddbins.