Entry 7: World's biggest cake attempt
I don’t know why I keep showing up to these events.
Back
down on Ketsbaia’s commercial hub, the town square, Dreck the cake maker had
been banging on about a so-called “World’s Biggest
Cake Attempt” that he and his wife were organising in their shop.
Dreck is perhaps the least likely looking baker, but he loves what he does.
His imposing demeanour, complete with characteristic imposing eye brows and
reticent stubble, is often the bane of many a child who might venture in
after school for a doughnut, only to be manhandled
right back out the door by an usually furious looking Dreck.
The island’s media descended on the shop for the hefty cake attempt, the
cameras visibly taking their toll on an on-edge Dreck. Disappointingly, the
admittedly quite big cake they had baked turned out to be nothing like as
colossal as what we’d all been led to believe. Which, upon presentation of
the cake, made my specially commissioned “Cake
Attempt 2007” t-shirt look like a personal insult to Dreck and
his ugly wife.
After the lacklustre cake was presented, to the accompanying sound of
U2’s Beautiful Day no less, a
solitary cry of “that’s not very big!” rose awkwardly from the
centre
of the assembled crowd, followed by great chorus of groans and tutting.
Dreck lost it and smeared some cream
into the eyes of the nearest person, a confused child caught up in the
crossfire. This in turn outraged certain members of the crowd who then
descended on the cake, setting upon it by taking
random bites and chanting “small cake” rhythmically like some
kind of spongy tribal beat. Despairingly, Dreck yells out “stop it, you’re
making it smaller!” but they don’t stop.
Then Dreck spies my t-shirt, marches over and attempts a
right hook, which I avoid easily as he’s
clearly way too drunk to possess the degree of necessary coordination. It
was at this point that I decided to call it a day.
I guess the old proverb is right; you can’t eat
your cake and have it too.