Latest York manoeuvres spark renewed invasion
fears
A
fresh build up of soldiers amongst the hills of northern Libertyville has
provoked a widespread outcry from leaders and politicians across the region.
At 8.34am, military radar picked up a gargantuan
movement of personnel in the lowlands. It was later confirmed
through a series of civilian reported sightings that the movement had taken
place. One onlooker reported seeing figures amassed on top of the highest
hill, while subsequent sightings purportedly saw
personnel heading back down again.
Though official figures are yet to be released, it is estimated that the
numbers of troops on the drill amounted to as much as ten thousand. Shocked
locals awoke to the news fearing an attack was imminent. Moving to calm the
situation, government officials reassured locals that they were doing all
they could to prevent this by increasing the threat
level to “Guaranteed,” the second highest level behind “Brown
Trousers Time”
Image: Duke York (Reuters)
Duke York, who is currently thought to possess full
control over the militants, had previously played down suggestions that a
show of strength was imminent. Concerns that the Duke is rehearsing for a
full-scale invasion of Libertyville are
such to be exacerbated by York’s increasingly unpredictable behaviour. The
news is likely to bolster the political campaign from many on the right who
believe that a pre-emptive attack on the Duke’s forces may be the only way
to adequately defend their homeland. Kansas Vorobei,
government senator and chair of right-thinking think tank Yorkwatch
suggested that “[a pre-emptive strike] is the only language the Duke
speaks”.
Although harsh sanctions on the Duke and his band of followers have already
been in action in recent times, there has already been calls for
tightened austerity in future. Controls are
already in place preventing the export of marching boots and medal polish to
the effected northern territory. It is already being suggested that this ban
may now be extended to include bayonets and pens.
The impact of these restrictions, however, has been widely disputed by
military experts who believe that the controls do not work, leaving the
inhabitants of the area feeling “less smart than they should”.
Military fears of a renewed drill were heightened last month when a leaked
message purportedly from top officials in the York administration was
uncovered.
Full Transcript of Leaked memo:
The Grand old Duke of York
He had 10,000 men
He marched them up to the top of the hill
And he marched them down again
And when they were up they were up
And when they were down the were down
And when they were only halfway up?
They were neither up nor down
Goal!
The Grand old Duke of York
He had 10,000 men
He forgot to march them up the hill
Forgot to march them down again
And when they were up they were down
And when they were down the were down
And when they were only halfway up?
They’d still not moved a jot
Goal!
The Grand old Duke of York
He had 10,000 pens
He talked his way through military walks
Appealing over dinner most to friends
And with all their meat there were forks
And their wine was all bound by corks
And by the time he’d finished his talk
They’d finished all the pork
Goals!
A policy of containment followed by the Libertyville ruling party, the right
leaning neo-conservatives Screwloose has
so far proved effective at preventing rising tensions on both sides. Whether
this policy remains the most relevant is likely to be a topic of furious
debate in the coming days and weeks.