"The Magic Key" BBC2 (on late)
Ever, like us, wondered why it is that they put kids TV programmes on BBC 2
ridiculously late at night? It’s not like kids are going to be able to watch
it then, about 7 hours past their collective bed times.
Why are they on so far beyond the watershed?
Chip: Biff? Hey Biff, get your arse down the stairs now! Mum’s
made porridge for us both.
Biff: [Emerging from bedroom] Don’t shout at me!
Chip: You want this porridge to go cold?
Biff: Don’t speak to me. You got no business talking to me
like that.
Narrator: And so, a new morning broke out in Magic Key land.
Look, there’s the birds singing in the trees, and over there Marsha the
post-mistress is delivering her sack of mail.
Chip: Fuck you Biff, you cheap tart. I’ll talk to you how I
want.
Biff: Every morning the same. You’re just not a morning person
are you Chip?
Chip: Just fucking get off my case.
Narrator: Biff and Chip were in for a surprise today. Gran was
coming around for afternoon tea, and later she was to take them both out for
a trip to the zoo.
Mum: I have a surprise for you today. Gran is coming around
for afternoon tea, and later she is taking you out for a trip to the zoo.
Chip: Great, that’s just what we want. That old bitch coming
round here being all patronising because we’re kids.
Mum: Chip! Watch your mouth!
Chip: I’ll watch my mouth when you stop whoring yourself out
to pensioners to fund that heroin habit.
Mum: Oooooooh yeah. That is better. I’m sorry what did you say
Chip honey?
Chip: What time is Gran coming?
[Mum slips into a world of her own]
Biff: I don’t think she can hear you Chip.