James Bond 007: The Daytime Always Wins
An original 007 adventure!
Int. M's Secret MI6 office
M: Bond, I’m sending you back to World War I; intelligence has
picked up some information on the whereabouts of Gonzalez.
Bond: Gonzalez, the drug baron. So that’s where he’s hiding.
M: It is a top-secret mission called Operation Daytime. If you
are captured or if you expire we will as usual deny all knowledge of your
involvement.
Bond: Nice to see the MoD carrying on with it’s sense of charm
and grace in tact as always.
M: Yes. Anyway, intel suggests he’s hiding out here [points to
a map]. It’s in the middle of a place called the Somme Valley.
Bond: The middle of no-man’s-land, if I’m not mistaken.
M: That’s right. Operation Daytime is exactly that, you are to
infiltrate Axis controlled no-man’s-land where Gonzales is believed to be
collaborating with German forces.
Bond: Daytime in no-man’s-land. Sounds like a walk in the
park. [Lights a cigarette]
M: Watch it 007. And don’t look at me like that.
Bond: Like what, ma’am?
M: That slanted smirk you seem to sport nowadays. And knock
off that odd accent as well. Though I do have to admit it’s an improvement
on that ridiculous suave act you used to do.
Bond: Always glad to be of suave-ice, M, you know that. So
come on, how do I get to this Great War?
M: Using special gadgets of course. Each one specifically
designed to assist you in one very particular way when you come across all
that exciting peril you always get yourself into. Like the other week when I
asked you to nip down the offy to pick up a few tins and you ended up
causing an international incident when you shot up those illegal immigrants
who worked there.
John Cleese: And you’ll be using this state of the art Aston
Martin DB20 Time Machine of course!
Bond: Q, you old devil, where have you been? Not seen you for
a few adventures old boy.
John Cleese: Oh grow up 007. Ok, why don’t you give the new
Aston a spin eh?
Bond: Much obliged. [door comes off in his hand]
John Cleese: What have you done to my car?
Bond: Nothing.
John Cleese: Yes you have. Look, it’s off.
Bond: It’s not.
John Cleese: It is! You’ve had that door off. It has become
disentangled with the rest of the car.
Bond: Well, its not completely off is it?
John Cleese: It is! That is an ex-door. It has ceased to be an
adequate barrier to the car’s shell. It is broken off.
M: That’s enough! The door would have been shot off
immediately when you reach no-man’s-land anyway 007.
Bond: Smashing.
M: Oh 007. Good luck 007, remember your mission, and don’t
forget the intel reports on Gonzalez
Bond: Understood M. But remember, the daytime always wins.
[Bond theme tune kicks in]